Of Resolutions, Reflections and a little bit of Nirvana

 

I am always taken aback when people I haven't known very well or at all - suddenly upon meeting me, after a couple of minutes, mention that they have read my blogs. It is disconcerting and I'm often left embarrassed not knowing how to react. Because when I write on these platforms, I forget that I am writing for an audience, i just...you know...write. But once I get over the initial hesitation of discussing my writings, I find it inspiring to know that someone is actually reading these posts - it eggs me on to write. and write more. Which is exactly what happened this new year's day. And hence this post.

I am usually not a believer of drafting elaborate New Year resolutions. For me, every day is a new start - i do not need to wait until the dawn on January 1 of the next year to start living a healthier life or start tracking my gratitude journal entries or start being a bit more conscious of how much time I spend on my phone. I get the opportunity to do that every night - and i should ideally be reflecting on the day gone by before my eyes shut for sleep. I recently read something on insomnia and the author recommended rewinding your day from the moment you got into bed all the way back to the moment you got out of bed in the morning - she claimed it was a great way to reflect all that had passed in the day but also gave you something to focus on - and usually you never made it all the way to the end - halfway through that exercise you'd be engulfed with sleep. I have tried it a couple of times and I'd vouch for it's effectiveness.

More than a natural sleep enabler - something that i fortunately haven't had a problem with - the process leads to a lot of introspection. I usually end up stopping on the more troublesome parts of my day trying to figure out what exactly when wrong or why I felt such strong negative emotions about a particular person or incident or situation. And maybe that is exactly why, I do not end up making it all the way to when I woke up because I digress so much along the way. But it's a healthy and an important digression, as long as you are not beating yourself up about it, and instead getting to know yourself a bit more.

 Similarly, it is also nice to spend some time on the very beautiful parts of your day - the ones that made you leap with joy, or brought a smile on your face or made you giggle non stop. Often you realise, the tiniest of things make you happy - and there are many such tiny drops of happiness strewn along the day - but we often tend to hold onto the not-so-nice parts and colour the day with that hue. My happiest parts are sitting out in the winter sun, reading each and every part of the newspaper with utmost dedication, with a cup of hot chai in my hand. When I hit that part of the day in my nightly introspection, i can feel the warmth of the sun under my quilt, I can feel my back being nice and toasty, I can even envision an orange glow all around. The power of visualization and imagination - can either take you to nadir or the very top of human life and emotions.

As with resolutions, so with aggregate reflections of the year gone by. Like before, here too I believe that I am capable at any point in time to look back and learn and be grateful for what's happened. The benefit that the end of a year or the beginning of a new one accords you is perspective - and that makes a difference. A big one. You realise, how insignificant certain people and things in life were (or are), and also how positively certain people or instances have affected you and your life - effects that you can look back at and appreciate because of the time and distance it has crossed from when first taking place.

As with every year, I look back at last year with immense gratefulness. I have most definitely had my share of downs and tears and outbursts and hopelessness. But each of those have brought me today to this time in my life where I look forward to the coming days and year with hope, dreams, and contentment. Being happy is a state - one that frankly doesn't last very long. Being content is being satisfied & grateful with where you are -  for me that's a little bit of happiness, a little bit of uneasiness,  a state that propels you forward to the next moment and the next one, without making you cling to what you are experiencing. I've often clung to my happy states - I don't want to let go of that high of everything in my life being perfect - afraid often of when that might be snatched away and I get back to living a less that perfect life.

Contentment on the other hand, for me, is devoid of that kind of clinginess. I am ok to be here, but I am also ok to be in the next moment, not knowing what that will bring me. All my trials of last year have brought me to this moment of contentment. I will in the course of the next couple of months, through my posts, speak about some of those months of fun & learning from 2018 - most of these will be peppered with what is happening in life right now - because 2019 will have a lot to write about, or so I hope.

In the last couple of months, I have read a lot in an effort to start reading content that inspires me and content that wows me. I went from being an avid fiction reader to a staunch reader of non-fiction - I am slowly now discovering a middle path, but to be frank, I am often swayed by the pull of non-fiction. Within that category I am trying to learn more about yoga - not the asanas - but a yogic life. That has lead me to read some scriptures and whatever i have encountered so far has lead me deeper into the subject of Hinduism. I took a break from that for a bit and delved into Islam - and now I'm obsessed with Islam - which I am sure will reach up to it's Jewish and Christian origins very soon. It's fascinating, to say the least.

In my readings I encountered the Upanishads - which are a part of Vedas. The Vedas are a collection of religious texts that were conceived, recorded in ancient India, mostly in Sanskrit, and continue to be transmitted today. The Hindus consider the Vedas the very core of their religion. The Upanishads are a bit more philosophical and spiritual take on religion and life and the universe. Some of the core concepts of Buddhism and Jainism originated in these texts.

Some dissect the word Upanishad into two separate words -'upa'  meaning by and "ni-shad" meaning to sit. Together the two words mean "sitting down near"  - speaking about a student seeking knowledge by sitting down next to his/her teacher. That transmission of knowledge is the essence of the Upanishad. And unlike the earlier parts of the Vedas - the Upanishads, also called the Vedanta (end of the Vedas), speaks about the knowledge of the self. Hence breaking away from the ritualistic practices of the earlier Vedas. One of the philosophers who brings together certain key concepts of the Vedanta and speaks specifically about Advaita Vedanta - a school of thought he is credited with being a strong proponent of, is Adi Shankracharya. Very simply put, Advaita Vedanta says your individual Self, Atman, is not different from the divine all-pervasive reality, the Brahman.
There's a lot of magic and goodness if you were to choose to go deeper into it this philosophy which is also one of the oldest sub-schools of Vedanta (Vedanta itself was one of the six orthodox school os Hindu philosophy). Adi Shankracharya is also credited with authoring the Nivana Shatkam or Atma-Shatakam.

In upcoming posts - I'll speak to it a lot more, but for now, I'll leave you with this lovely rendition of the six-fold verse by Vichara, an artist that I love : Nirvana Shatakam.

Namaste